The Great Epidemic

YouTube: The Great Epidemic

The title of this post refers to what I believe is the greatest epidemic facing our nation and the world around us…  the lack of a proper, father figure for young men.

Grant me the time to explain and I think you will also share in the sentiment that this problem is an epidemic that’s spreading as far as the East is from the West.

In every pocket of America we see the lack of leadership, from the small town to the current state of politics in America.  As a nation we’re sorely lacking in the character department and we’re paying the price for that lacking every day in ways you might not even pay attention to.

When talking about such a unique problem as that of “lack-of-a-father-syndrome” or LOAFS for short, I think it best to define what a father is in modern times and juxtapose that with the definition that boys all over America would be able to produce in their own worlds today. 

I just came up with the name LOAFS but I think it oddly fits the ballot of possible choices because it produces just what the name says, loafs.  We are a nation now of underachieving men who look to pass blame onto others for our lack of character and willingness to achieve goals.  As men, we have forgotten that hard work and discipline go along with achieving our goals. 

Our Congress and Senate are a perfect example of this issue.  Somewhere along the way those who represent the people have lost touch with what really matters in this nation, and what matters is representing the interest of the people and providing quality leadership.  As far as role models go I’m not sure there are many cases of proper leadership found among the lot of them. 

I am one person that is sick and tired of the excuses both branches of legislation make for why nothing gets done.  I think most men elected to public office these days take office not because they believe it’s their civic duty or because they have the heart of their constituents in mind, no, I think most men run for office to further their hidden agendas.  This mindset for neglect of the masses that elected these individuals stems directly from the lack of proper role models and father figure’s in their life who would have instilled a sense of righteousness in those who do the voting and in those who are voted for.

I want to give you a portrayal of what I believe an elected official should look like: He or she should be a person from the area he/she represents and should have a strong tie to the community at large.  He/she should be a person who is unwavering in his/her moral compass and who leads for the people because he/she was the best voice for their people.  Instead we have too many people in public office who hold positions because of their backing and the interest of those who privately fund their efforts.  You show me a politician who will debate with the common man over his decisions in office from their constituency and I’ll show you a person who is not afraid of what the public outside of his state or district thinks, and I’ll be able to show you someone with moral fiber and real substance.

The problem of proper leadership regardless of whether we’re talking about politics or not goes back to the problem of having poor role models due to the lack of the presence of the father in the household.  This is an epidemic that plagues all colors, all races, all ethnicities and all religions. 

Whether your father passed on like mine did, or you grew up with a dead beat dad who ran out on your family or your father was incarcerated for bad decisions he made, we can all unite under the same banner of neglect.

I can only speak here about the loss of a father on a boy because that’s what I have experience with.  When a boy loses his daddy or if a boy has a piece of trash for a father he grows up with a major disadvantage starting out in life.

When my father passed at the age of forty-five from a massive heart attack it left me questioning every aspect of life, from what I will do as an adult to how to shave and I was only eleven with a whole lifetime of similar questions ahead of me.  These questions remain unanswered until someone comes along of value to answer them for you with or without you being aware of their presence and their timing in your life.

As a young kid without a dad I looked to other men to fill that void, not realizing this as a kid I sometimes looked in the wrong places because I didn’t know better.  I was scared, lost and hoping so much for a man to take me under his wing and teach me the way of the world.  I desperately wanted someone to take a vested interest in me and to mentor me in a way that someday I could be proud to pass on.

That’s the problem with so many kids today, they’re reaching out to the wrong people for advice, they’re looking to rappers and gangsters and professional athletes to explain their existence to them.  The problem with looking up to a public figure instead of a local man is that you hold this person or persons to be above others and unequal in stature.  So what happens when a young boy sees his favorite basketball player doing drugs? I’ll tell you what, unknowingly he decides it’s okay for him to try drugs as well.  If that same kid had a father figure who was present in his life that was worth anything, that kid would see this man as his hero and his ruler of success, the athlete would be what he was supposed to be all along, someone who’s doing something that’s unique and cool and when the child sees the athlete do something negative, that kid would be able to base his opinion on what he knew to be true because of the value he holds in his true role model.

Single mother’s out there I implore you, please do not entertain the thought of being with a man that is not a shining example for your son.  If you date a loser you’re saying to your son that his father was lowly and that this new person in your life is not good enough for your son to trust.  I say this with absolute certainty in the matter; I speak from first-hand experience.  Be very cautious who you allow your children to be around because a kid will naturally emulate the person you bring home to be part of your family.

My mother has remarried twice since my father and I have seen how a poor choice by her affected my life and eventually hers as well.  I had no respect for her first husband after my father because he didn’t command respect with love, he demanded it with fear and he forced respect by the volume of his voice and the threats of his words.  This is not a knock to my mother in the slightest because she’s a saint in my eyes, it’s just a warning to all single mothers out there that you need to be absolutely sure the man you’re falling in love with is worth the praise and affection of your kids.

The truth is, your son won’t really like the men you date or the man you marry right away unless he is a real role model, a leader among men, and someone who loves you unconditionally.  This doesn’t mean he has to own a company or be a successful business man, it simply means that the man you bring around your son needs to be a man you’re not settling for but someone you’re choosing to be a potential mentor for your child. 

As I get older I can appreciate more the life of a single mother and the hard times you go through in trying to keep a household together while working all the time.  I can appreciate the fact that you need your own life and a life away from your kids, but the day you bring that other life home with you and your kids meet this significant other their receptors start running wide open and you better be sure this person you’re bringing into their life is worthy of their love and affection. 

I can speak to this effect because unlike the first man my mother married after my father, my second step-father and current role model is a man of upright character and integrity.  He’s not a man to boast or beat his chest, he’s a man that I can look up to and learn from and because of this fact I don’t feel like I have to replace the memory of my father with the reality of my step-father, actually it’s quite the contrary.  Because my current step-father is such a solid man I can see parts of what I wish my father was in him.

As a mother you have to be very sure of the character of the man you bring around your son, you could lose your child’s respect forever or you can provide him with a solid foundation to build on.

In a world where divorce is becoming the regular and couples who stay together is the oddity, it is naturally becoming a tougher climate to raise a strong leader in your son.  If you do choose to separate or divorce that is your decision, and you’ll receive no judgment from me ever, but please do so in an amicable way where both parties are civil, the fallout from a bad divorce will scar your son for many years to come.

Boys who go through a bad divorce will have anger issues that go far beyond hitting someone on a playground; they’ll have issues later in life when they start a family of their own.

If you fall out of love with your husband or wife, state that as the reason you want a split.  Try to work through your issues and if at the end of the day you really want out don’t let that spill over into your kids life.

A young boy who sees his father yell at his mother and vice versa is a boy who will yell at his future spouse too.

I have a warning for you men out there who might be reading this, if you decide to cheat on your wife you need to know this… you’re not just cheating on her but you’re cheating on your family as well, you’re telling your son and daughter it’s okay to sleep around one day and you’re showing your kids you have no moral fiber and are lacking in character.

As I have grown into a man I understand the urges people have and I can sympathize with acting out on those urges but I also know in every situation we have a choice to make.  At the end of the day if you decide to cheat on your spouse, it’s your choice and yours alone but a choice that everyone involved has to bear the weight of.

Men, if you’re unhappy with your situation I beg you to talk openly about what’s affecting you, speak candidly with your significant other and work on the problems at hand and those under the surface.  An open line of conversation can work miracles to relieve stress on a road blocked relationship.

Having said what I have so far I want get back to the root of this chapter, boys needing proper male role models in their life, proper fathers or significant father figures with their heads attached securely to their shoulders and their feet planted firmly in the ground. 

Divorce and death will affect most families in America and around the world, sometimes both are totally unavoidable, but what’s not unavoidable is what you do after each has occurred.  The choice to rebuild a family with the right building blocks is up to you, you are no longer a victim once the marriage is over or once the man has passed on or left, you’re only a victim in the aftermath if you allow yourself to be.

If we as people continue to allow our youth to grow up without proper role models, the fate of our very existence could be in jeopardy.

As a nation we can sit back and point the blame at the failure of youth on everyone else but ourselves, but what good did pointing blame ever do?

We have to look at ourselves as individuals who can be a positive change in some young person’s life.  If we continue on the path of letting children grow up fatherless we will have failed our generation in a large way.  

We will have contributed to the delinquency of future generations and the tide will continue to wash up on shore empty of beauty.

This LOAFS dilemma has repercussions that will resonate into the future and permeate everyone's’ way of life because there will come a day when our youth have no direction except the one they happen upon from their popular media and from television.  We need to stand united as people on this issue and get behind organizations that look to foster a sense of purpose for our young ones.  No child should go without a positive role model, not in this great nation where we have almost unlimited resources.

In the following chapters I’ll highlight different men who I learned from, I’ll talk about why they are special for the purpose of this book but more importantly why they are special for the progression of mankind.

The truth of the matter is that men like the ones I’ll describe can be found in every society, where people are, so is goodness, kindness, hard work, determination, and so many other positive attributes that need to be passed on.

My goal in life is to set up an organization called “Finding a Father” that fosters the growth and development of young men so their life will mean something to humanity and not just be a future burden.  I want to hire returning military personal and retired men from all backgrounds to directly mentor the progress of children from kindergarten until high school graduation.  I want these two categories of men as well as other fit candidates to get involved in boys’ life in every aspect, from promoting love and acceptance at an early age to support through their schooling and in athletics and other extracurricular activities.  I want these men to be their Boy Scout leaders and their coaches and the friends, but more importantly I want these men to bring their talents and the wisdom that come along with them to the kid’s life which they have been put in connection with.

This dream I have will be a reality, but it will need your help and support.  I plan on taking half of the proceeds from this book and half of all my speaking engagements as a result of this book, as well as my personal investments and future fundraising activities as a sponsoring income to get this non-profit rolling.  I want to be able to give men and boys a real purpose in life beyond fending for themselves.  We should give back to our community in the form of building future leaders for our communities giving us the ability to thrive and be safe. 

The reality of the matter is that there are quality men all around us, I think the problem with most men is there are no real incentives for the everyday unsung hero to step up to the plate, mainly because they’re too bogged down with making a living and the stresses that come along with that.  So I want to be able to pay these men so they can thrive in their life away from work but also have added motivation to give back to our children so no kid grows up not knowing what it means to be a man.

We can revisit this dream of mine in a later chapter, for now I need to start wrapping up my thoughts on the Lack-Of-A-Father-Syndrome.

I honestly believe at the root of most problems in America we can find a man who lost his way somewhere in his growing process due to the lack of a proper role-model and father figure. I want to tell you one story as the nightcap to this chapter…

                

After leaving Fork Union Military Academy I accepted a nomination to the United States Air Force Academy.  The real reason I was able to get in is because I was a really good basketball player and I was going to be playing ball for them.  I worked my entire life for a basketball scholarship and at the end of the day I was able to turn many schools down and take the scholarship out west, it was a dream come true.  When I got to the school I freaked out, I wasn’t prepared for the torture that was unfolding before me, it wasn’t actual torture but at the time I wasn’t strong enough mentally to push through.  About seven weeks in I decided I was going to leave and do anything else but spend another day there.  When I left the academy and was on a flight home I was called by Marshall University and they offered me a scholarship for their team.  I jumped at the offer because I didn’t know what else to do.  Before I knew it I was in Huntington, West Virginia giving it my all for a coach I didn’t like and a program that I was not suited for.  After my freshman year was over I decided I no longer wanted to play basketball.  

The journey ended well with me finishing school at yet another institution closer to home but I always look back on those decisions and wonder how life would have been different had I decided to stay.  I regret nothing in life but I still wonder about outcomes sometimes.  When I chose to leave both the Air Force Academy and Marshall I did so because I thought I was alone, and maybe I was, but the point is I didn’t feel like I had someone in my corner that had my back.  If I would have had a man I could call that said “Mason, I know you, I love, and you can do this!” the chances I would have stayed would have been high.  Because of those decisions I made I never want any boy in this nation to feel alone again.  I feel charged by those events to make sure children all across America have someone in their corner that has their back.  The simple end to that story was I let fear set in throughout my decision making process, but I’m living proof that fear can be pushed aside and Love can live in a man.  I was a child of divorce, a fatherless child, a boy who desperately needed someone to kick me in the butt, but alas, I had no one I thought filled that role.  Never again will I make that assumption because looking back I had all sorts of men that I believe the creator placed in my path that could have filled that role, unfortunately none of those men were with me for years before my choices.  I want the boys of America and around the world to know there is a man in their life who has their best intentions in mind because of the character and quality that they possess in themselves.  This blog and eventually this book will aim to give mothers, boys, and the potential father figures the tools needed to never let another young men in their lives to slip through the cracks of feeling alone again.